Teacher Voices
People say being a single parent is the hardest job in the world. People also say being a teacher is the hardest job in the world. So what happens when you’re both?
The life of a single parent is difficult and also incredibly common. In 2019, the latest year statistics are available, there were 15 million children living with a single mother in the United States and 3 million children living with a single father, according to the Statistia Research Department. The Pew Research Center estimates that nearly a quarter of all children in the country are being raised in one-parent households.
Lots of teachers today are single parents, and wearing both hats at once comes with a unique set of demands that can be overwhelming. Luckily, there’s one thing teachers and single parents both have in common – we get to watch all our kids grow up and change the world.
Here’s a look at the juggling all you single parent-teachers have to do on a daily basis.
1. You have to do everything, but you also get to do everything.
You pack the lunches, schedule the dentist appointments, shuttle children to and from tee-ball practice and music lessons and playdates. And you plan the lessons, grade the papers, hang projects on your classroom wall and your fridge at home. If it has to be done, you have to do it yourself.
Of course, you also get to do everything: you are there for every milestone, every lost tooth, every triumph and broken heart. You get to watch the light of learning pop into the faces of your kids and students each time they learn a new concept. And we all know that moment of epiphany is the best part of teaching and parenting.
2. There are no breaks. Ever.
We all know that our teaching jobs don’t just stop at 3:30 p.m. when the final bell rings. They don’t stop at 5:30 p.m. after practice lets out. They don’t stop at 9:52 p.m. when the dress rehearsal for this year’s musical finally ends. No, teachers more often than not find themselves mentally planning lessons in the shower or worrying about a student when they should be sleeping. And how often do parents lie awake worrying about their babies? You got it: all the time.
On top of that, as a single parent, you can never walk through the door after a busy day of teaching the quadratic equation and hand your child over to your parenting partner, a second adult who can pick up parenting with enthusiasm when yours lags. The job of a single parent literally never ends. Both jobs are rewarding – and exhausting.
3. A set routine is difficult to establish.
“Good parenting” dictates a calm and measured bedtime routine which includes bath, storytime, and lights out by 8 p.m. “Good teaching” dictates staying after school until 8 p.m. with your journalism students as they put finishing touches on this month’s news magazine.
Both of these things are not possible in the same evening. Which brings me to the next point.
4. You must constantly sort out your priorities.
Some days, teaching takes priority and your kiddo eats Little Caesar’s pizza at 9 p.m. with the drama students who stayed after school to paint sets for the upcoming school play. Some days, you leave school as soon as your contract day ends, disappointing students who want to stay after school to chat or study.
In the first scenario, it’s tempting to feel like a bad parent. In the latter, you might feel like a bad teacher. The reality is, it’s a balancing act, and anyone who balances both at the same time is an absolute superhero.
5. Work life and home life are blurred, especially during a pandemic.
Of course, the pandemic has exacerbated the situation for teachers who are also single parents, blurring the lines between work and home, parent and teacher. Parents across the country have had to pinch-hit, working closely with their children in a virtual learning setting while simultaneously working from home. Teachers found themselves teaching virtually in one classroom while their children attended another class in the next room.
It’s hard knowing that other children had parents helping them behind-the-scenes during virtual learning when you couldn’t be there helping to shuffle papers, sharpen pencils, and clarify instructions.
But you can’t be in two places at once, and you must remember that you are doing the very best job you can. Teachers are experts at extending grace to the families they teach who are struggling through the hardest educational year of their lives. Make sure you save some grace to extend to yourself.
6. The best you can do is good enough.
Teachers say this to students all the time, just as parents say this to their children. All we hope to see is effort. We do not require perfection in our classroom, so why do we hold ourselves to impossible standards? Your love, time, and effort are enough, both in the classroom and at home.
7. You are raising the future – at home, and in the classroom.
The children sitting in your classroom desks, and the ones snuggled under the covers at home, they will be our future nurses and social workers, our artists and musicians, our politicians, our philosophers. While it can be easy to get muddled down in the impossible tasks that confront you each day, do not lose sight of this simple fact. Teaching matters. Parenting matters. The work is worth it.
So to all the teachers doing double duty as mamas and papas, know this: I see you. I hear you. You are doing the hardest work imaginable. You are enough. Thank you for raising all the kids – at home and in your classrooms.
